It’s springtime and I wake up to the chirping of birds or the pattering of rain. There is a newness that comes with Spring. An optimism that is fragile yet present; new life bursting through the soil, buds on the trees. A season of renewal and rebirth. A reminder that something survived through winter.
In the days of winter, my unintended sabbatical was in full swing. Nothing much was happening. With no full-time commitments, I had time to spare. I read a lot, I wrote a little. I reconnected with old friends, visited new places, and threw myself into new experiences. All of these made me feel light, but some days felt like they were throwing hands.
It was always one thing or the other. There was a long period of wait in between. A last-minute decision put me in a delicate situation where all I had to do was wait. Bated breath, fingers crossed. Patience isn’t one of my virtues so this wasn’t easy for me. I was pensive with worry on most days. I knew that things were going to work out, I was convinced of this. But it was only taking much longer than I thought (Cue: Hofstadter’s law).
But there is a newness that comes with Spring, an optimism that is fragile and yet present. Things are beginning to pick up. Nothing happens for a while and then everything starts happening at once. I’m thankful for these moments, the moments I feel gratitude so strong my heart expands. The days are getting longer, and I feel the light spread around me.
So here’s a reminder for seeds you may have planted so far within your gut. The dreams that are almost forgotten. The ones that force you to become something different for them to take shape. Spring shows that, even when it seems like nothing is happening, something is forming beneath the surface.
It takes a certain audaciousness to keep betting on something even when the results aren’t evident. It is easy to get perturbed and harder to hold out hope. In Jess’ words, hope is a motherfucker and the bravest thing in the world.
I want to share more about what this time has been for me, a time I’m calling liminal space, but I guess I couldn't wait. I’ll do the writing as I go.
I hope the showers of April bring you many beautiful flowers in May.
Quote of the Week
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
— Albert Camus
A tender and lovely essay with a wonderfully poignant title. It makes me think of ferns. In the spring they are curled tight, fragile, little spirals of possibilities. In summer heat they become big, brash shade suppliers. Looking forward to whatever it is the summer brings us.